WHO’S WHO.....
With the exception of Vera
and all those in the family named George, names have so far been
avoided. But because of constant public enquiries as to which
is which it is felt that the following census should be published
GRANDMA. Apart
from mentioning that there is always a faint sniff in the air
of bull’s eyes, embrocation and brandy when Grandma is around,
the less said about her the better.
FATHER. The
son of Grandma, is strictly a peace-loving character. With a
family such as his he must be forgiven for occasional lapses
into mild vagrancy with his less married colleagues. Like all
fathers he has a vague idea that he is head of the household.
MOTHER. Father’s
wife. There is nothing vague about Mother’s idea of who’s
head of the household. What Mother says goes for everyone. Sometimes.
GEORGE. Their
elder son. George has read everything, and that’s about
the lot for George.
ERNIE. So
called as a change from George, he is the younger son and the
most dangerous element of the family. Nine times out often he
is the brain behind the more unpleasant happenings. The other
time he is asleep.
ANN. The
eldest daughter. She is very much like George except that she
does work sometimes. One day we shall have to produce Ann’s
husband, if only to put those twins of hers on a respectable
basis.
CAROL. In
all large families there is always one who causes less trouble
than the rest, so far that’s Carol,
BRIDGET. She
is the youngest daughter and has more cunning than the whole
lot put together. Nobody has ever been able to pin anything on
Bridget. A very dangerous ally when working with Ernie.
VERA. The
intellectual wife of George. Somebody or something, took the
poetry out of Vera’s life. She considers she is disenchanted.
She is. Aspirins are as important to Vera as brandy is to Grandma.
GEORGE JUNIOR. Only
son of George and Vera. Usually takes the can back for the twins.
THE TWINS (LAWRENCE AND RALPH). Named after their mother’s
(Ann) favourite actors. So far neither Sir Lawrence nor Sir Ralph
have taken legal action.
RUSH.
The family spaniel. Like Vera, he considers
he is disenchanted.
NATALIE THE CAT.
Named after Nat Gubbins because she takes after
Nat’s cat. |
